Talking about money, wills, declining health and/or death is just plain difficult for most families. However, it’s probably one of the most important things you can do, and it can help alleviate a lot of worries and family strife. We’ve all heard of families who are torn apart after the death of a loved one, fighting over who got what and whose feelings (or finances) are most hurt. As awful as it may be, the good news is that it can often be avoided – all it takes is a family conversation or two about your will and your wishes. Let’s learn how to talk about estate planning with your adult children or other close loved ones and what key topics to discuss:
- Your estate distribution
Your estate consists of all your assets (including property, business assets, money, investments, vehicles, jewelry, heirlooms, furnishings etc.) as well as your debts. If you have a life insurance policy, that money is counted in your estate as well. Talk to your family about your vision to distribute your assets and ask for their input or suggestions if you feel you need it. Remember, your assets are your assets, and you can bequeath whatever you want to whomever you want, in amounts that are your choosing. You don’t have to disclose the monetary value of anything at this time if you aren’t comfortable, but do discuss at least the basics about your estate so there are no unwelcome surprises for them such as the fact that you’re leaving your money to charity, you have a massive debt load or you have very complicated finances that they’ll need to hire an accountant for.
- Your will executor
It’s important to name a will executor to manage your estate after you pass and to make sure your last wishes are followed and your assets are distributed accordingly. This person doesn’t have to be a family member – but it does need to be someone who is organized and capable of managing this important job. Before appointing anyone, be sure to ask them if they are OK with the responsibility. Talk to your family about this and who you want to select (or who you’ve selected); there may be some questions and concerns that they will bring up that you need to be prepared for. They may also have some helpful insights, so be sure to have a lengthy, open-minded conversation about this important topic.
- Power of Attorney
Most people choose their spouse to act as their ‘attorney’ in the event that they fall ill or become incapable of making decisions about their care (including end-of-life care), health or finances. This is called ‘power of attorney’. If you don’t have a spouse, or you don’t wish to name them, you can choose your child(ren) or other close family member or friend. Again, just as you would in choosing an executor, it’s important to ask first if they are interested in this responsibility and if they understand what’s involved.
- What’s most fair?
This is a difficult question, and very subjective. The issue of ‘fairness’ comes up a lot when talking about wills and estates. Some people will distribute their assets equally between all children (and/or grandkids and other loved ones), even if some are more financially well off than others, or if some don’t pitch in and help out in the family or make efforts to call, visit and so on. This can cause all kinds of resentment, which is why it’s important to have a discussion sooner than later. Doing so will help manage expectations, and give everyone an opportunity to air any concerns and suggestions. Your family is the most precious asset, so be sure to remind everyone that your goal is to leave a legacy of love first and foremost.
If your family isn’t up for a discussion or they aren’t on board with your decisions after you’ve had a conversation with them don’t forget that it’s still your right to create a will that reflects your personal wishes. Here at Ares Law, we specialize in wills and estates, and it’s our job to give you sound, legal advice. We’ll help you every step of the way so that you feel confident about your choices. Be sure to connect with our experienced legal team; we’ll make sure your final rights and wishes are documented and protected. Call us today at (705) 645–8743.
